30

So I am now 30 years and 5 days old. Seems weird to have my age start with a 3. When my mom was my age, she had a 2 week old baby (me), when her mother was my age she was already widowed with two kids in elementary school. Part of me is anxious for adulthood, just a part.

Spent last weekend with family in New York City. It was great and my goal of surviving birthday without a meltdown was achieved. I was worried about being single and feeling disappointed about it.

I'm starting to feel ready to be on a relationship again. I'm terribly busy with school and what not, but I think I could sacrifice some me time for someone else if they were worth it. I quit the online dating thing a few weeks ago, but would consider picking up on okcupid again after spring semester. It is just such a chore to keep up with.

I have been talking to a guy a lot in the last month and we've hooked up a few times. I think I've neglected to write about it because something about it hasn't been sitting well with me and I didn't want the opportunity to process it in written word. I know that I am probably being hyper sensitive to anything potentially negative, but I know that I ignored and justified so many terrible things about T and our relationship. Lately I have this unshakeable feeling that he is hiding something or someone from me. I know that I'm a pretty open person with a tendency to overshare, but this seems like more than average space. I'm not used to early stages of dating or whatever this is. I feel like T and I just sort of went from 0 to serious in a few weeks, and that was 6 years ago. It's a sticky situation because I want to be open, honest and address the situation, but I'm not sure how appropriate that would be. We'll see!!