Defiance

I feel like I'm in the stage where I'm mostly over the break up and don't think about it too often, but I occasionally find myself doing things T frowned upon. Most frequent offender: not drying my hair before I leave the house.

Today I'm wearing a ponytail at work and have been boycotting the bobby pins that hold my few short pieces neatly in place. Because I can. I never had a huge issue with tucking a little hair behind my ears. I don't look like I went through a wind tunnel or anything, but maybe some hair out of place can actually be more attractive.

Happy Friday!

Thanksgiving Reflections

So I survived Thanksgiving with my family. I was a little nervous that it would be rough because it's my first holiday solo, but I think it went well. I definitely had a headache all day on Thursday. It might have been stress related, I couldn't help but think about T and his family a little going into such a major holiday. I have to remember it's not my responsibility anymore. This might have been catalyzed by a facebook app glitch showing me his FB profile pic on Wednesday afternoon. His new profile picture is of him and his new girlfriend. He looks thin which worries me a little, but also it hurt a bit because he never seemed to want to have me in his profile picture. I managed to delete or archive the conversation and cursed out the facebook app for once again sucking.

My mom and I talked about it a little on Thursday afternoon while we were sitting around in between dinner prep activities. It helped to talk about it a little, even though I didn't want to acknowledge the situation at all. I think I forget that I'm still healing a little. True to form, I'm just anxious to be at the next step. 

Overall, the weekend was relaxing. I spent a lot of time with my family and caught up on a bulk of my homework. My dad has become very affectionate in his retirement which is cute. I showed him how to change electrical outlets and he was really excited. My sister's room's outlets were horribly worn out, so we decided to do those right away. Our plan is to replace all the switches and outlets in the house while I'm home for a week and a half in December. My parents have slowly been fixing up the house and now with white molding everywhere, it's time to replace the old almond colored hardware. My dad was actually excited when he figured out that the porch light wasn't working properly because the switch was worn out. My mom is excited to have the switches match and have them just look nicer in general.

Got home late. I feel like my apartment is a mess, but that's ok. Managed to work out twice over the weekend, so hopefully the 4 pieces of pumpkin pie, and 3 pieces of chocolate cake won't follow me around for too long.

Leave me alone!!

So I was watching an old episode of Teen Mom 2 the other night, and Janelle and Barb had a fight that ended in Janelle screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Then it was playing in my head for the rest of the week. I hate when that happens, but a similar incident inspired me to name my future goldfish Shania and Goldie (story another day). I digress...

So over the weekend while I was running around Manhattan with my mom and sister and decided I was over online dating. It was feeling like a chore. My friend had expressed concern the week before and it was weighing on me. I had quit Plenty of Fish (by quit I mean, stop logging in and deleting the app from my phone) because I had narrowly escaped a second episode of someone sending me a picture of their boy parts. (Side note: wtf) I've been joking with friends that I don't want a relationship, but a friends with benefits; or I've been joking that I want to at least pretend I'm dating someone before they see me naked. The magic of POF had just worn off. The only semi-promising guys would just fade into oblivion or only write back every other day. OKCupid seemed to be going better, the site has more substance to it. I even spoke on the phone with a guy, but it was boring and felt like a shitty job interview. It occurred to me that I really didn't have time to be dating. So, I sort of stopped checking my messages on there. Users can see the last time the person logged in, and I'm on strike. I totally left in the middle of a conversation with a guy that showed promise, but enough is enough. And part of this whole new chapter thing is that I can do whatever I want.

And then, there's this friend of mine from college. We started texting over a week ago. He's already learned my weekly schedule and has been texting me VERY regularly. It would be cute, if I wasn't so sure he was rebounding, or if I was interested like that, or if I didn't feel so smothered. I seem to feel smothered VERY easily. I'm trying to not respond as much aka walking the line between being an elusive bitch and not expressing too much mutual interest.

So that's that. I'm enjoying my "me" time and don't really want someone in the mix just yet. Although, sometimes I feel differently.

Friday edition

So last week, I felt really bummed out for no particular reason. It could have been for one of several reasons. I had just purchased a car, interviewed for three different positions and was doing well (officially) in school. Part of me felt funny for experiencing all of these things without telling T. It's strange to not share my life with him anymore. I think the peak of my feeling bad was on the anniversary of my friend's death, which I didn't associate until later in the day.

Anyway, this week has been great. Very crazy, but great. My boss was on vacation so I was mostly holding down the fort by myself. By yesterday afternoon, I was joking about tipping over carts filled with product in a rage. Nothing was really going my way and everything seemed annoying. I'm pretty good about not taking my work home with me in an emotional sense and was able to recover via butt-kicking at the gym.

I feel like I'm settled into single life. I'm happy with myself and not in a rush to add someone into the mix. Thinking about taking a break from my online dating forays. I stopped checking my Plenty of Fish account because it was just too many sketchballs. Will keep OKCupid active, but will lower my expectations.

Excited for the weekend. Going to NYC with my mom and my sister to see Evita on Broadway. Could really use some sleep, but oh well!!